People (men in particular) often joke about how they wouldn’t date a woman without a father because they have so many issues. Let’s look at this from the other side. I will no longer date a man without a mother figure in his life. Why? A man with mommy issues is one of the hardest men to deal with! Beware of the man with mommy issues. Who is that man you ask? A man with a mommy that:
- Wasn’t involved in his life or performed poorly at being a mother.
- Was an abuser of some substance or thing whether it was drugs, alcohol or sex
- Hurt his dad in some way and it led to a divorce or ending of his parent’s relationship.
This sums it up for the most part, but dating a man with mommy issues comes with a lot of baggage. Here are five signs that your man has mommy issues.
- He don’t believe you need more people! If you constantly have to prove something to him there’s obviously trust issues there. Everything you say or do must be verified by another source whether it be another person or even documentation. When I tell a man my celibacy story it’s always a pain (not telling the story, but the disbelief that comes with it.) A guy with mommy issues often lacks trust in his mom because she’s lied to him so much in the past. As a result, his trust or faith in women has diminished to almost nothing. Bottom line: He doesn’t trust women!
- Why are you treating me like this? Men with mommy issues (for the most part) treat all women the same! You could have done nothing to hurt him, but from the start you are placed in a category with all the other women in his life. From the women that treat him like a King, to the women that hurt him, and even the woman that raised him we are all treated the same way. Why? It is his way of protecting himself from being hurt. He learned first hand from his absentee mom how a woman treats a man. Unfortunately, he believes that all women will do him just like mommy did. As the woman dating a man like this you will feel like the treatment is subpar compared to what you are accustomed to. For example, I dated a guy that felt the need to “test” me in everything. He felt like I needed to prove to him that I was worthy of being showered with gifts and flowers. So he would ‘test’ me to see how I would react to things. The tests…well, I won’t go there, but needless to say it didn’t last! Why do I have to prove to you that I’m worthy of a gift or flowers? If I am worthy enough to be called your woman/girlfriend shouldn’t that be enough?
- R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Men with mommy issues lack respect for women. Most times you will have to earn his respect through your experiences together or even your accomplishments. A man like this will respect you more if you can prove that you have more to offer than the typical woman. It’s a daunting task though, so if he has mommy issues I don’t even bother. Keep in mind if he doesn’t respect you then he doesn’t value your opinion or thoughts. He doesn’t really care to hear your point of view on anything because he believes you don’t know what you’re talking about. Instead, he knows all!
- He’s hard to please. Which means: 1. Nothing you do is ever enough. 2. No one woman will have everything he wants. 3. You will always need to do things better.
- You’re missing something. Since one woman won’t have everything he wants, there will always be more than one woman in his life. He has a woman that he uses for sex, for food, for companionship, for mental stimulation, for love, etc. Men like this are habitual cheaters. You could be the best girlfriend on Earth to one man, but to him something is always missing! He is never happy with just one woman. He doesn’t know how to identify with the fact that one person will NOT have everything you want. This stems from always going to other women to help him when mommy wasn’t there. In his childhood he probably has an Aunt, schoolteacher, stepmother, and a friends mom that he sought for fulfillment of his motherly needs.
I could go on, but I’ll save some for another time. Do not hesitate to share your thoughts in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you 🙂
ABOUT A GIRL 
I think most people have some mommy issues–and daddy issues, but it’s about how serious they are and how they impact our relationships. It’s impossible, i think, to find the “perfect” partner. BUT, if we try/luck out/work hard, we can find someone who’s willing to grow with us and maybe even work on their family issues.
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I totally agree. Hopefully people with these issues are able to identify that they even have it!
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In my experience as a therapist in training…i’ve found that many can identify them. But, the challenge is working through them or being open to new ways of seeing their relationships.
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I disagree. No one has issues from things unless they’re traumatic. This is just woman finding men who are worthless. How about thy to find a woman who cooks,cleans and can clean the pipes every night Good Luck!
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I trully can say I have dealt with a man with mommy issue. Yoy hit the nail right on the head. We finally broke up after 3 years. Most recently I saw signs that I wasn’t the only one in his life, but he would always say I was. We had alot of sex in the beginning and as time eent on it got less and less. So I think he used me for food and someone else for sex because it was someone new and exciting.
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Though this blog is quite old but, still valid after 6 years. I admit I have mommy issues that I have grown to despise my mother in her ways towards me. She doesnt like men because her own father betrayed her mother sleeping around and though they divorced the idea my mother grew up hating men. Though she met my father in the Navy but, knew each other casually in their younger years because they grew up in the same area but their paths crossed again. Overall my mother successfully alienated herself and though I have an older brother and sister mommy dearest favored sister because she was first born. As with all parents first born generally are favored. Nevertheless, my brother turned out to a dysfunctional person and I am not much better. The world doesnt want to hear about the drama of men who never grew up or has women issues and or behavior issues because of women. What is tough is there are two kinds of men out there as there are two kinds of women as well. One the abuser and the guy who treats women like sluts. They pick up on that based upon the girls personal self value and how she was raised. Then there is the princess who has been sheltered too long and cant get along with men but often will lower her standards just to get attention out of rebellion. In comes the mommas boy who has self image issues and cant take care of himself. He cant hold a job has no friends he is living with the very people (parents) who has abused him and cant seem to leave the nest on his own because of his unresolved issues with parents. Hence his vain hope if he hangs with his folks until the day they die he will feel like he was the good son for his loyalty. Yet, neglects the idea he is now 65 years old with nobody and has no job no hope for anything. All he has left is to sit on the couch with a therapist complaining about how he threw away his life being the good son. This is my life this is my sickness I must deal with. Nobody gives a fuck and all their wonderful advice dont mean a hill of beans. There is no hope for people like that. What self respecting woman would want to hang around a guy who cant do anything good for himself even though he is considered by many highly intelligent and could be a professor at a university but, he is too busy feeling sorry for himself that he cant find a woman who will hold his hand to apply himself. No woman can do it for him. No man can either. So, what do you say to a loser like that?
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Wow this is exactly like me. My mother died when I was 7 and she was a pretty bad mother. Then I moved with a resentful grandmother who also treated me terribly and my grandpa who was a great guy was never home because of work. So I never really had a guy around to teach me how to be a guy. Any real way to change this or am I stuck this way the rest of my life?
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It takes a lot of adjusting mentally. Changing the way you think or view things takes time be patient.
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I’ve had daddy issues most of my life but I got over it in one day after I reunited with him after a long while and realized what a terrible human being he is. He was not worth obsessing about. I decided to forgive him and move on (I had watched an Oprah show about forgiveness earlier). The rage and sadness I had about my dad disappeared almost immediately and I have been dad-issue free ever since. I guess the key is forgiving your awful parent and emptying your thoughts about him/her.
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Great perspective Myrna. I totally agree.
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It is never to late to change. But it will be painful hard work. Congratulations on even reading this article! That’s a great start! Good luck!!!
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I am with a 32 year old man who’s mother killed herself when he was 9, leaving him, his younger brother and dad. I sometimes can’t believe how horrible he can be to me. He breaks me down emotionally all the time. He is also very controlling and domineering. I am 6 months pregnant with his child and he doesn’t help me or have any sympathy for me when i’m having an off day when im finding the pregnancy difficult. Is this all a result of having an absent mum? Am i setting myself up for a very hard life with this man?
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It is very possible that some of his bad habits or ways are as a result of the loss of his mom, but you can’t be too sure. This is simply an opinion. It is however, difficult to date a man who doesn’t have the best relationship with his mom. Seeing as how he didn’t really establish a relationship with his mom this topic may not relate to him as much as it does the men I intended it for (i.e mommy was alive, but wasn’t involved like a normal mom). I would say though that maybe the fact that he didn’t have a mom in his life is why he isn’t sensitive to your needs or doesn’t sympathize with you during your pregnancy. It seems like maybe you guys just need to have a conversation about him being more understanding. Consider spending some time with him where you can have learning experiences about pregnancy together. If he likes to read send him some articles that directly relate to how you feel while being pregnant. It’s difficult because as a man I don’t think he could ever truly understand what you are going through. Be creative, try to find ways to get him to understand. But if he doesn’t don’t beat yourself up over it or feel like he doesn’t care or you made a mistake. I wouldn’t necessarily deem your future with him hard because of this, but anything is possible. Plus your probably overly emotional due to pregnancy. Just relax and try not to overthink this situation. Tell him how your feeling and maybe that can be a good start. May God bless you and your family during your pregnancy. Thank you for reading my blog!
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Regardless of his childhood no man should treat the mother of his kids the way he does with you. Don’t use this article as an excuse for his actions. He needs to take a good look at himself and change. You and your children shouldn’t have to ‘deal’ with his actions. If he doesn’t change, find a better life for you and your kids.
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Great advice!
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Perhaps he is more like his Father. Maybe his father was also, cruel to his young wife?
Whatever the situation was, there is no excuse for his behaviour; he sounds horribly controlling and umempathetic…very bad signs to display when your partner is vulnerable with your child.
Look after yourself! X
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You are like spot with me I need help…… Please
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Thanks for reading. What can I help you with?
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OMG this describes my boyfriend to a tee. He does everything mentioned in this post. How can I talk to him this without offending him?
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You can talk about someone else experiencing similar problems as you such as a mutual friend. Use that as a door opener into conversing about him and his views or relationship with his mother.
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I’m going to try that. Thank you so much.
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This article is very black and white. Like sexuallycurious said there are different degrees to everything. Also it seems unfair to judge a group of people based on something they have no control over. Are you upset about the prejudices about daddy issues and find it fair game because of the bad rep they get? Understandable. As far as the list goes it can apply to every man at some point of his life or another. I think a man can be secure in himself if he knows himself no matter what the situation and the list describes an insecure man more so then a man with a bad mom.
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Nobody is judging though. I felt like there were just some traits listed and they are fairly accurate. Perhaps a lot of men who had bad mothers are insecure too?
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There is one more type of mommy – this would be #4 on the list above. The mommy that over-babied her son and never let him grow up. My husband secretly resents the hell out of his mother for not letting him grow up, not letting him become a man. He feels extremely guilty feeling anger towards her, so he instead directs that anger at me (and other women). He has all kinds of issues; low self esteem, low self worth, sexual dysfunction. He is entirely passive-aggressive and covert. Until I started counselling I couldn’t understand why after we got married my husband suddenly became like a child to me, acting more like I was a mother to him than a wife. When things started to get strange in our marriage, which was within weeks of getting married – I told him that women are usually the ones that are accused of changing after they get a ring on their finger. He just looked at me with a “you caught me” grin and walked away. He put on a great show when we were dating…but over the years he has just slipped right into who he truly is. It took me ages to figure out what was going on and to stop accepting the blame for everything. He was extremely adept at making me feel like I was wrong, and I questioned myself constantly. We have been married 18 years, believe it or not. We have gone twice in our marriage without having sex for a 3 year span, the latest now has been a year. He is really messed up and won’t go for counselling. He moved across the country when we got married to get away from him family, but has really just recreated his family situation (thus continuing to live out his hate for them) in our marriage. He competes with our children for attention, gets upset if he is about to lose at a game, always needs to be first (in taking dessert, getting in line, entering the house, anything). He can’t take responsibility for any of his actions or choices, big or small and systematically will shift the blame on to me or our kids. All of this is because his mother didn’t let him grow up.
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Wow. Amazing story and something I’ve never experienced. Praying that he grows up.
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I married the exact same person. I had to be the primary breadwinner because he refused to push results in his career until we separated and then divorced. Was married to him for 21 years and separated for 7. Two kids. When we divorced he demanded alimony buyout or he wouldn’t sign. Between having to give him half of the house I was the only one to pay for; half of my retirement, and alimony, I probably lost $500,000. I had to pay child support for half the amount of time even though he didn’t keep the schedule. It was a ransom. I never say we had a divorce agreement. I had to do a settlement or be tied to him and his dangerous and stupid behavior forever. He now realizes what he threw away but pacifies himself with a rich, bit older socialite who buys him gifts and takes him on trips. He’s basically a gigilo except he keeps a day job in the entertainment industry to stroke his ego. And did I mention he already had a trust fund when he put me through this ringer?
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My boyfriend definitely has some mommy issues, but truly is an incredible guy, so over the past 3 years I have helped him through his issues and helped him realize that I’m not like every other woman in his life. It’s been a struggle, and we’ve definitely broken up a few times,but I’m glad I stuck around because now I am with someone who understands how much I love him, and loves me back just as much for”saving” him.
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This is awesome! I thank you as well for standing by his side through his struggles. I just commented on this with about the same thing. Men can not help that their mothers make bad decisions or that their mothers pass away.
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So just leave the man? That makes a lot of sense. Why not try to help the guy through the issues he is having? If you really love a guy you would care, you would help him with these problems for his safety. My mother is a drug addict and has not been in my life for most of it. I found a woman and she helped me through the issues I had; I started seeing a therapist and that was her idea. That really helped me a lot. She didn’t just pack up her stuff and leave me. In 3 months we are getting married and I couldn’t be happier. You should really think about the crap you post before you do.
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If you read carefully youll see I never suggest leaving. Just the signs. You should really read carefully
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I am curious, is she a more mature woman? Like, is there an age gap?
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I can’t relate to this. I have a lot of issues being a child brought up without a mother. First of all my
Mother left me
And my dad when I was 1 years old. My
Father who has an outstanding job brought me up as best he could with lengthy working hours. Leaving me more than half the time
In care with numerous nannies. In terms of relationships, I find I have extremely long lasting crushes or feelings for women over unhealthy and lengthy times. Most of which are as one would say out of my league. however never have I disrespected a women or take her for liberities. More often then not I am the one who is hurt in relationships being overbearing and over loving…. ‘Smothering’. Almost idolising the latest be
Interest at the time. N
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i think i have mommy issue….this is totally me….i need help…..mommy!!!
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Ann, I appreciate your insight. I’ve realized some harsh truths about myself. Thankyou.
That said, I resent your condescending tone, did it not occur to you that perhaps the reason we have these issues is because something in our childhood was a bit f*cked up?
Your last paragraph though:
“this stems from always going to other women to help him when mommy wasn’t there. In his childhood he probably has an Aunt, schoolteacher, stepmother, and a friends mom that he sought for fulfillment of his motherly needs.”
That particularly stung.
I was severely neglected by my birth mother, and never formed an attachment to my foster mother as a consequence. It was not something I chose, but something which was inflicted upon me.
I’m not going to call you a misandrist, but dude, men have feelings too!
– much as we hate to admit it.
Besides, we make great polyamorous lovers. What’s wrong with that?
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It goes the same way with women. Men say these same harsh things about women. It doesn’t mean that a man cannot grow from it it just means it’s a issue that needs to be addressed because often it goes unnoticed.
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“They did it to us first” is a poor excuse to marginalize any group.
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It’s not an excuse. It’s a statement. You guys do it. So why get sensitive when women call you out for having similar problems. I’m just expressing my experiences and things I’ve seen. There’s not much good that comes from dating a man like this until he recognizes and works towards fixing his issues. Hopefully he’ll have someone that will support him along the way.
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No see I do agree with you on the point you made at 4:18 pm. But you’re using your ‘statement’ as a justification for treating an already marginalized group without a modicum of sensitivity. People do not choose the circumstances of their upbringing.
It would be nice not to feel marginalized while trying to Google some answers in order to fix my chronic trust/commitment issues…
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I understand. I’ll do some research for you. See what I could find.
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Without a modicum of decency? I don’t know I think Ann is fairly spot on with her facts so I don’t know how much sensitivity you expects to get from her.I guess I can finally realised men can be over sensitive too..
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I don’t understand why do you feel marginalized but I received some harsh but true about women issues yet I never really feel marginaIized so I don’t understand some people actually feel themselves as a victim when we pointed out about their issues.
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This is not a tit and tat competition just as society always talked about daddy issues I think it’s time for us to talk about mommy issues as well.It should be noted when I said ‘people’ I mean both men and women…I hope you don’t feel marginalized..
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I JUST escaped from an emotionally abusive relationship. He was caught cheating twice, these girls sent me texts and pictures but he denies it. ” I saw her once. I don’t know her. Some of those texts are mine, not all…” His mother was a crack head and his father an abuser. He grew up with his step mother. He apologized and started counseling. But, two weeks after the last girl ( last Thursday) I woke up to charge my phone and saw he received texts from girl #1, who had been harrassing me for 3 months. He blamed me for starting an argument, I was attacking him by asking what did she say…
I couldn’t handle the emotional abuse and manipulation and left. Of course he argued, threatened to file a restraining order against me and so forth… This man has a high ranking job at a University and has a PhD in psychology…. IRONIC
Its sad and hurtful to have been treated this way. But ladies, this article is soooo accurate. Please pay attention.
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OMG!!This is MY husband.I am headed for divorce.I can’t deal with it.He wants to be a 7 year old and do it all over again and I can’t. His mom was on drugs,never home much and always left them to go to the club or do drugs.She had two girls and my husband she treated him different in a bad way.His dad was there but not on drugs just passive.He seperate from the Mom when my husband was in high school. He is soooo mean to me.He never believes nothing I say nor does he ever need me for nothing.He has kids he seperate from me.He has two sisters and his loyalty lies with his kids,mom and sisters.He doesn’t have a relationship with my kids after 12 years of dating and 2 years of marriage.He is a habitual cheater as well.Now he bends over backwards for mommy and does whatever she ask even wjat she don’t ask.When we are around her he acts as if he doesn’t love me (also the kids and sisters) he gets to her house and literally do not speak to me.If she says it’s right it’s right.when he was deployed a year we all got along just fine when he came back he drew a line seems like in the relationships.He rather hurt me than hurt her feelings even if she is wrong.He told me how abandoned he felt as a boy how he ran away once and she never noticed, now he acts as if all is peaches and cream.He buys her whatever and always tries to get her approval She text and she says your a good son thanks for being do good to me,but he is a horrible husband. I am a pretty good wife I know and he treats me like crap.He never talks gentle always harsh and rude but if mommy calls or sisters call you would think he isn’t the same person.It hurts.He got the sisters together and bought her a riding mower and she didn’t even ask.He had her a nice party.Never goes out of his way for me.no I am not jealous at all its just strange how his loyalty is too her.he refers me “she ” or my first name around her never baby or my wife.I’m tired I can’t compete with mommy and the kids and the family.Not to mention he sends everyone money,nieces,nephews,everyone.I’m just tired of not being treated as a wife.I never ask for much and get so little
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As a man with “Mommy issues”, I agree wholeheartedly with your premises, and want to commend you on doing an accurate job in a place where there is a lot of “speculation” on gender issues.
Lacking in a woman who loves you causes you to lose your center. You no longer have faith that there are women out there who are normal, women who love you – you get caught up in the midst of everything, both women who are hateful and women who are normal and it all becomes one big gobbled meshwork, one that is difficult to separate good from bad (hence trust issues).
I know this because when I think about what it would be like to have a normal, healthy relationship with my mother that is stable, one in which I could rely on her for comfort and support, all of these “issues” disappear. No longer does it matter which girl hurt me, she’s just somebody who’s messed up and I’ve still got my base and the ability to tell good from bad and to effectively separate the two.
But lacking in this fundamental love from my mother, it really just brings out that side of me that is broken to begin with when there are girls out there who try to hurt me emotionally, which they tend to use that sort of warfare fairly often. In a normal state of mind, it just wouldn’t matter.
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I’m a young man who’s mother abandoned as a child. I went through about 20 years of subconscious resentment and distrust of women and I’m guilty of just about everything on the list. It was through deep meditation and reflections on relationships I’ve had with females that I had a breakthrough and realized I’d been programmed to think that way through experience. I’ve been trying to correct that way of thinking however it’s easy to overreact and spiral into generalized thinking. But since I know it’s not the way I should feel it’s just how I’ve been programmed to feel it’s easier for me to tell myself that it isn’t right.
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What kind of meditation.Can you Please elaborate.Thank you in advance.
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I’d also like to know. I’m in the same situation and have actually tried meditation before. Would love your insight.
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I’m like that.
My mother is pretty unhappy, my father is a bit of a doormat, and she has always taken it out on him (long story).
As others have noted we didn’t choose to become like this. I would love to not be afraid of women, to be able to relax around them, feel that they respect me as a person, etc.
I just find it really, really, really hard, and it has resulted in broken relationships, loneliness, depression and a suicide attempt.
I don’t want to burden women with my issues, but I feel like your attitude is so similar to my own mother’s:
You talk about these men as if they aren’t human beings, but defective “things” to be cast aside for something better.
I feel the same way when women talk about “creeps” and stuff like that.
It affects me and seems to worsen my distrust of women. I often feel like women don’t really care for men at all and would rather we didn’t exist, because we’re just nuisances.
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Thanks for reading and sharing your own personal story. The post simply explains how to determine if a man has mommy issues. It doesn’t mean he should be cast aside it just means the woman has to be cautious because the relationship will be a difficult one. Not all women are capable of helping you deal with your issue but they can support you during the process. It is up to you to seek help and maybe even have a discussion with your mother to start the process. I pray that things turn out for the better for you. It’s a struggle but it can be overcome! God bless. Thanks for reading.
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Fairly accurate except I also watched my mother be abused from my step father. He was a cheater and had mommy issues. The last thing I am is a cheat. I have very strong morals when it comes to trust. As far as I’m concerned there are just as many female cheaters as there is men and I believe it has a lot to with music and TV. cheers
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i go through a lot never had my Mon close by I end up pushing away girls that love me because I lost trust in women I’m afraid to get hurt which affect my love life
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I’m going through that,I make it difficult for someone to love me,I’m afraid to get hurt,the only woman i knew since birth left when I was 8 now I’m 23,trust and honesty doesn’t exist i f a girl gets close to me I shut her down because I quickly conclude that she gonna leave one day,I desperately need help
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My mother was never there…I trust women(I just don’t trust women that get caught lying) I have emence r-e-s-p-e-c-t for women(I don’t have respect for anyone that doesn’t have respect for me earned or otherwise) because my mom was never there I’ve actually become more of an empathy and show nothing but.love and affection to my partner(what’s annoying is when its not reciprocated and it drains you from being so one-sided) I’m easily pleased. Netflix and hang in out.or camping or whatever as long as everyone’s having a good time, and the coup de gras….I’m am the most faithful man you’ll ever meet. I want to be loved so bad by a woman because my mom was never there and am so afraid of it happen in to me (because it just happens sometimes with some people no matter what its in human nature) that I would NEVER cheat on a woman. Everyone has a bit of crazy and ugly. Its getting comfortable with your “ugly” that’s the trick in my opinion. I’m none of these and I think its unfair to try and throw EVERY GUY with “mommy issues” into that small minded pot. Not saying that these arent correct or a high possibility. But to say to people shouldn’t be with a man with mommy issues is ridiculous… Do we not deserve the same love as you? That’s all we’re after.. Love.
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And I was severely emotionally and mentally abused. Some physical but it could’ve been worse on that front..still believe in love, trust, and happiness 😊
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Thanks for commenting! The article states these are signs that a man has issues it doesn’t tell women to leave the man alone.
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This was my bf completely!
He was from out of town, working in my city for 2 months when I met him. After he flew interstate every week to see me for the last 3 months sometimes. I thought we were in love and we were making plans for me to move to him. And then the shock…. He actually lives with his partner of 2 years! His life was completely fabricated- the lies could fill a book. I’ve been in contact with his partner to unravel his lies and she said she’s been seeing a therapist who said it sounded like he had mommy issues. I can relate to everything in this article to the most extreme level! He was exactly the same to her. It’s also come out that he has cheated in all his past relationships and is very promiscuous but seeks lasting relationships as well. 7yrs, 3yrs, 2 yrs and counting if his cover wasn’t blown. I believe that he did “love” us both but he really couldn’t decide- he needed us both!
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Sorry missed a line. He flew up every week, sometimes staying 3 days sometimes a whole week
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I guess,I am a suitable example of the man described above.
***My mother passed away when i was 7.I was too emotionally attached to her.Intially reluctant my father remarried when i was 9,and my step mother couldn’t care less about me and my sis(3 years older).From 9 till 16 when I left home for studies, i can’t remember a single day my mother talked to me or treated me nicely.
***After remarrying my father also became indifferent towards us.I am 27,and I have felt emotional deprivation for about 20 years now.Intially I couldnt figure out whats wrong with me but then I did alot of reading and concluded I have emotional deprivation/mommy issues.
***I would like to add that it is immensely frustrating for people like me to not get the share of love ,everyone else gets from either parents.
**I couldn’t sustain healthy realtionships with a female,though I am not disrepectful.I don’t trust them.I have never been abusive to women.Due to the deprivation (disorder),I get very easily embarrased and have never asked a girl out(though i had a couple of girlfriends).
***A tendency I found in me to always be attracted to a girl who is a bit egocentric and mean like my step mother.Hence trust issues became more deep.
***Instead of abusing ,I have a tendency to please everyone,just like begging for my share of love to be given to me.
Now I know all this is because of the empty space in my heart,which was created due to lack of love.Unconditional love is all I (read men like me) need,I guess,but what worries me is that may be no human can ever give that to me or may be i cannot trust anyone to fill that gap anymore.
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It’s christmas eve 2015 and I stumbled onto your article after getting home from a late dinner with my stepmother and father. Reading all these comments, as well as your list, really saddens me as a man. It is unfortunate that these issues which affect us stem from something that happened so long ago and out of our control. What interests me is how men were able to get past these issues and live a normal life.
Personally, I think we should strive to become better men. Just being self-aware enough to realize and understand that you have these issues is a big step. It can be hard changing the thoughts and beliefs you have naturally, especially about women, but it is worth fighting for. Something positive about men like us who have grown up with the absence of that motherly love is that some of us actually realize the significance and importance of a woman. Not having that unconditional love from our mothers as children showed some of us how rare and amazing a good woman can be.
I have always felt that I viewed women differently than other men. Most men would call women bitches and generalize about them very much, but I always saw them as more than that. Of course this can lead to “putting the pussy on the pedestal” for lack of a better term but, nothing in life comes easy. I know it can be hard to admit you need help but I think me and a lot of other men who grew up without a mother should really talk to someone about it. I’m barely 25 and just now realizing that I may have some issues that stem from not having my mother around during crucial years. Funny enough we have sort of a relationship now but it’s not traditional. Theres so much other bullshit in life that can influence who we are that it is hard enough without having to deal with “mommy issues” but we have to try. I want to be able to enjoy a women in all her beauty without judgment or worry. Maybe one day…
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I’m only 19, and in my life my mother has been in and out promising me things and never coming through. Always telling me we’re going to do this and that, really it was the loneliness, And absence that has made me the way I am. Whenever I look at most people my age I stop and wonder what their childhoods must have been like with a mother that actually cared about them. That’s when my father kicked in, even though he was a hard man who taught me and my brothers that “life is what you make it.” I really believe it was his hatred that fueled of her that fueled mine. To this day I do not accost phone calls or texts from her. Am I wrong for this.
Sincerely, A pissed off son.
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Your feelings are valid, but you must work through them. You don’t want those feelings to have negative effects on your health and your relationship with other women. See a therapist or talk to a close friend that you trust about it. Thanks for reading!
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When I first start dating my partner two years ago I should of known the signs of his problems with wemon after he shared what he went through with his ex. Instead I felt sorry for him. I’m the type that wants to fix things or make life a bit easier with my out going personality. We’ve had so many struggles. I’m noe the one who is down and have lost my charm. Like a turquoise stone that has turned grey. There has been nothing I can do or say. I’m always accused of not dealing with my own issues which I believe were partly true as I grew up without my father but still had a grandfather to give me affection and teach me things in my life. I’m sure he would hate to see me going through what I’m going through. I don’t think he would approve of my life with this man. I feel like such a failure. I knew it was bad news but yet I had liked the guy for years not even knowing what was brewing in his pot. Now I’m pregnant and I feel stuck. I feel like I’m done. I’m done fighting and feeling hurt. I want stability and love. I want a man who knows how to treat me. I’m not perfect I’ve gone off the edge but he has had help pushing me there. His relationship with his mom is not good. He has no relationship with his ex and daughter and now I fell like I want to leave too. Someone else might be able to go through it but I’m so tired…i have other kids to things about I’ve been through enough dysfunction in my own life I’m just sick of it! Sorry to vent. I know only I can fix this.
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hello. it’s kinda long and complicated so just please have patience. it was april of 2017, i was dating my boyfriend of 1 year and a half he introduced me to his friend. instantly i thought he was super cool and that he could be my friend too and surprisingly he wanted to be friends too. me and my boyfriend at the time (let’s call him bob) we’re having issues. i didn’t feel as if bob cared about me and i told my new friend (let’s say jose). he let me talk to him about anything and he invited me over one night because it was only us up and a few hours after hanging out i started catching on that he was flirting with me and before i knew it he leaned in and started kissing me. i kisses back for a few minutes and afterwards i ran back home. i was so confused. but that’s where the attraction began. a couple months later i’m still with bob but jose was “showing me” how my man should be treating me. we had gotten intimate and grew attached to the point where i moved with him and his family to a different state, leaving my boyfriend and lying to him as to why i left. that was the only way i knew how to break up with him, i was so worried about hurting feelings and losing friends because of who i was with. about three weeks after moving we finally decide to become a couple and things are amazing. we were having amazing sex and have fire chemistry then i noticed things changing.. he was becoming jealous and possessive. we got into our first argument and he told me to take all my shit and move back home and we were done and he didn’t want to see me anymore. i’m hysterical telling his mom everything and she calms him down, he apologizes and we work it out. his mom was literally my best friend which was a wrong move to begin with begin with. this same type of behavior keeps up the next three months we live there exactly like this except the fights start lasting longer and he says meaner harsher things and i was forbid to tell his mom any detail of our relationship. no matter how bad he treated me i’d be in “trouble” if he found out anything i said from his mom. one night jose argues with his stepdad about money because he was wanting us to start paying $500 a month to live there while i was literally staying at home while everyone worked taking care of their autistic child and cleaning the house. me and jose decide to leave back to our home town 13 hours away in the middle of the night and we packed our stuff and left. about 10am on the drive home his mother calls his cell phone screaming, cussing, telling him how shitty he is, how he’ll never make it in life. just basically the worst thing imaginable you could say to your son. she called like four times telling him i was pregnant and had diseases and that i was just my ex’s sloppy seconds and i always talked shit about him. which was not true. none of it. i took a pregnancy test because i missed my period and i got a yeast infection while i was there because i ran out of my birth control. things just get worse. idek how at this point. juan gets more controlling and because of his controlling my parents didn’t like it but they never confronted him or said anything, jose says he hates my parents and they’re pieces of shit and he never wants to go to their house again. everyday i’m picking him up from work and basically being forced to spend hours with him even when i’m ready to go home but if i don’t, i don’t love him. so i do whatever he asks of me because i want to show this man i love him with everything i have in my body, but it’s just never enough. i always did something wrong. this is oct-dec 2017. i moved in with him at his family’s house again because he wanted me closer to him so i lived with him at his grandmas house cleaning, watching, and cooking for her every day until he got off work. then my time was focused back on him. the beginning of february him and his grandmother argued, we moved in with his aunt. march 13th is a day i will never forget. i went to pick him up from work but the road was blocked off and mind you, i have had no cell phone since august at this point. i had no way to contact him or anything. all i could do was sit and wait for him but that wasn’t good enough. he’s mad because he wouldn’t walk up a hill to my car. he wanted me to drive on a road that was closed only to city workers for construction. we argue for 30 minuets screaming. then we drive in silence. we get to the house and he ignored me when i asked for a cigarette so i followed him into our room and he’s mad because he didn’t tell me he had no clean underwear. how am i supposed to wash something when i don’t even know it’s dirty. we argue again, but this time he threw a back pack at my legs and i smacked his arm and said don’t throw shit at me. he then lifts his arm and smacks my arm real hard and says don’t hit me, then i started trying to slap him in the face because i felt threatened and disrespected. he gave me this awful evil look and as i went to run he started open handedly hitting my back. he’s almost 200 i’m 115 at this point and i have red marks all over my back and i’m crying and run to his cousin who puts me in her car and we start driving i tell her, we come back and jose three all my stuff in my car as sloppy as he could so i went in and ripped up all his clothes and he tried to keep some of mine and i didn’t even know and he ripped and broke anything he didn’t pack. after that happens LITERALLY HE TRIES STARTING SHIT AGAIN. we argue even more after we stop livin together until we can find a place, he argues with me again in march but refuses to talk to me so i drive out of town to go speak with him and he keeps telling me to leave and i keep saying not until you talk to me and he’s been taking my arms and hitting them on the window sill (we’re talking through an open window), he grabbed me by my ponytail and tried talking real loud in my ear. he also choked me that night and i scratches his hand to get him off me, but he also “lightly punched” my jaw. “could’ve done it harder”. every time he told me how sorry he was, he’s always apologized after everything’s over and he promises to never hurt me again, his excuse was that he was defending himself or you know what happens when you piss me off like that or if a girl hits me i’m gonna hit her back. at first it seemed genuine, but now when we argue i know just to go with it until he’s done ranting and then i try and change the subject and i pick him up from work. it’s almost august now and we still have arguments just not as violent but still bad, he says hurtful things to me and i just silently cry, the 18th was our one year anniversary and the night before i was just messing with him and kissing him all over his face and just the regular annoying lovey stuff and he was said “do you ever stop??? can i ever get through to you??” then after a couple minutes he was like “just throw the whole girl away” and i looked at him and he was like “n***a 😂😂” and i started crying and laid down and he was like “i love you and you know i didn’t mean it” but i know he did. i just feel like i’m the girl he owns who throws ass when he’s horny, takes care of the animals, cleans and cooks. i don’t even feel loved or appreciated at this point. he never ever lifts me up and tells me i’m pretty, or takes pictures of me, or just wants to randomly hug me because he thought of how much he loves me. i’m beginning to think i’m nothing and just taking up space.
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